Our wedding day is September 14th. On the Jewish calendar it’s the 25th of Elul. Five days before Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah is, according to creation in the Torah in Genesis, the day man was created so in fact the 25th of Elul is the first day of creation: the birthday of the world.

Right after I got engaged, one of my friends offered to draw us a monogram to be used on the invitations and the benchers. She’s in art school in Manhattan and is quite talented, so needless to say I was pretty excited. Most people have flames, roses, candles or shofars (if they’re getting married in Elul), I wanted something unique but I really didn’t have any ideas. I mentioned it to Chanan, my fiancé, and he said “Hey why not a globe, since our wedding is on the birthday of the world?” I thought it was a brilliant idea.

My friend redrew it multiple times until it was perfect, and I absolutely love it. The land is all of our initials in Hebrew. Mine are alef and shin. Chanan’s are ches, tsadik and mem. I really love the stars and clouds and the whimsical touch they add. I can’t wait to see it printed on our invitations.

Less than a week after I got engaged I found my wedding dress. I was hoping to get it from a gemach. A gemach is Jewish service where you can borrow items for free or for a small fee. There are gemachs for everything from wedding dresses to baby carriages.

The first place everyone told me to try was Ten Yad. Ten Yad is an organization in New York dedicated to helping brides who don’t have enough money for the basic components of a wedding or setting up a new home. They also have a wedding dress gemach in a basement in Crown Heights, where I went with my future sister-in-law. When you walk down the stairs you see a room lined with pink garment bags, a dressing room, and a mirror.

When I came in one of the girls working there asked me my size and what I was looking for. All I said was “not poofy.” She went through all the dresses in my size that weren’t very poofy and asked me to say “yes” or “no” to each dress. I only said “yes” to a few dresses and the first one I tried on was perfect. Ivory, silk, some detailing on the bodice, three-quarter length sleeves; pretty close to perfect. I was afraid I was making a decision too soon, so I tried on a few more dresses but they looked like they were swallowing me alive!

I decided to take it. It really was a pleasant experience. All you pay the gemach for  is the cleaning fee. Well, I do have to have a zipper put in too, but otherwise it’s wedding ready.

I would post a picture but my chosson reads this blog.

I’ve also been trying to decide how I will do my hair and make-up and who will do it. This isn’t something I’ve given much thought to before but I guess it’s a necessary evil. A month or two ago I bought an ivory handmade veil off of etsy.com from StitchedForYou’s shop. I looked around a bit online until I decided to take the plunge and buy this veil. It’s at least $50.00 less than all the other veils I’ve found. I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it was when I received it. It’s not too perfect, which makes it perfect for me. It also came with a gorgeous beaded comb.

My veil and comb from etsy.com

I was planning on just wearing the veil with the comb with my hair in a low bun until last night when I found this also on etsy.com in thehoneycomb’s shop.

The floral comb

I really loved how organic and vintage it looks. I wasn’t sure if it was too much though to wear with my veil and my dress. I’m rather low fuss. But I decided since my dress is very simple and plain that the comb wouldn’t be too fussy and bought it in the end.

I think I want to wear my hair like the model in this picture yet also wear my veil without the pearl comb, but I’m not sure how. Should I wear it to the side like the model and pin the veil beneath my hair? Or use the floral comb to hold up my veil in the back?

Lately, I’ve been spending most of my time trying to prepare for…cue the music maestro…life after the wedding. Granted, I haven’t been the most productive; although any day now, G-d willing, we’re going to sign a lease on the apartment we found in Brooklyn. Otherwise I’ve been scoping out jobs and (very leisurely I might add) doing absolutely nothing. A little bit of reading here, a lotta bit of sleeping there, praying for a job, twiddling my thumbs, pondering the more meaningful things in life, such as why a minute seems like three hours when you’re waiting to get married, and how they fit all of that toothpaste into one little tube.

Part of the reason for all of this free time is the Orthodox inyan that a chosson and kallah shouldn’t be involved in the physical preparations for their wedding, but should instead occupy themselves with spiritual preparation. For everyone this is different: for some it means taking on a new mitzvah, for others it may mean adding a prayer or Torah class to their schedule, and for someone else it may mean increasing the amount of tzedakah they give.

I mean great, right? Tons of free time to do all that spiritual preparation I’ve been talking about, right? Right! I do try, but at the end of the day I’m no righteous woman, and to actually sit down and study Torah without the pressure of an impending exam takes a little bit more than a wee bit of effort. In a way it is relieving, but between this and the fact that I still haven’t found any full time work this summer–I’ve been pretty bored.

Waiting for class to start during Bais Chana Snorkel & Study ‘09

The good news is that this morning, I am off to Bais Chana (a Jewish women’s learning retreat) in Minnesota with a friend! It’s about a six hour drive from Milwaukee, and we’re going to spend a few days there. I’m really excited because the last time I attended a Bais Chana program was in January and it was truly amazing and inspiring. It’ll be great to be able to sit and learn Torah in a structured environment before my wedding. I’m hoping this will inspire me to be more diligent in my spiritual preparations.

My new wig (aka “Sheitel”)

Sheitels. Scarves. Snoods. Wigs. Tichels. Hat Falls. Band Falls. Double coverings.

After an orthodox woman gets married, she covers her hair at all times in public.  Unlike many of my friends, I never really dreaded this mitzvah.  It’s pretty straightforward, right? Our custom is to only wear a full sheitel outside of the home. Simple enough–at least that’s what I thought until I started shopping for one!  I’ve estimated that there are at least 567,354,678 different companies, sheitel machers, and brands to choose from. Everyone you speak to has their own preferences and experiences and half the time they’re contradictory. There really aren’t any guarantees–when you buy a sheitel, you don’t know, really know if the hair was processed to make it look that sleek and shiny. You don’t know if it will frizz if it gets wet. Or if it’s actually wavy hair they processed to make straight, or straight hair they permed.  Oh, and they’re really, really expensive. Understandably so, since they’re made from human hair. I guess I didn’t realize what a big process shopping for a sheitel would be.

A friend and I drove to New York from Milwaukee last week for a sheitel buying excursion. (It was an 18 hour trip since we stopped in Chicago for a bit before really getting started! We drove through the night…)  You can buy wigs in Milwaukee (or Chicago, which is still an hour and a half away) but they’re cheaply made, tend to be synthetic, and/or are designed with chemo patients in mind. They just don’t look as nice and as realistic as the wigs you can buy from Jewish companies.  There are more sheitel options and they tend to be less expensive (although still pricey) in New York. Plus the kind of wig I wanted is designed for long-term, every-day use.

When I was in New York a few weeks earlier for my engagement I went to the Freeda showroom to try on sheitels. I really liked what I tried on, they were comfortable, light, and the color was nice–but they were really, really expensive.

When I went to New York this time I decided to check out the showroom of a well-known, less expensive, lower end sheitel company. The sheitels they had we’re very cute, but the customer service was awful and all the sheitels were too small…

So I went back to Freeda and tried on the same sheitel I tried on a few weeks prior. The color matched my hair so well that when I was trying it on I couldn’t tell the difference between my hair and the sheitel. I was still was a bit hesitant though since I would need to get the bangs cut, and that would add to the expense.  It was also hard to tell what the sheitel would really look like when I wore it because I currently have very thick, long hair and the sheitel doesn’t fit properly yet.

Never-the-less I decided to buy it, because hey, aren’t beauty and self image are worth a lot?

My new shitel, which hadn’t been styled and didn’t fit well yet

While I was in New York, I also decided to buy some scarves and hats to wear inside the house

Trying on a pre-tied headscarf (aka a tichel)

When I got back from New York I made my mom and my sister try on my sheitel (to try and lessen the being “freaked out” factor). They were both shocked at how light, comfortable and soft it is.

After commenting back and forth a bit, Chanan and I discovered that we actually grew up close to each other in Milwaukee, and that both of us are Orthodox Jews who have Secular extended family. Commenting lead to e-mails and then to chat sessions, and after a month of on and off communication Chanan suggested we look into meeting through a proper shidduch. Shidduch dating is a system of dating in the orthodox community that works through an intermediary called a shadchan–in other words, a matchmaker. When a couple agrees to go out on a shidduch, it is with the intent to see whether they are compatible for marriage.

Most shidduch matches are suggested by mutual friends or family members, and before the couple agrees to go out both sides generally do extensive research on the other. Chanan and I weren’t exactly your standard shidduch match since we just “bumped” into each other in the blogosphere. I was initially apprehensive about taking such a big step to start dating for marriage, especially because of our unconventional situation.

Due to various factors, including having to wait for our Dor Yeshorim test results, it took almost three months for us to meet in person. We met a few times, then had an almost three month break until we met again. After five months of communicating and nine dates, Chanan asked me to marry him.

In keeping with Lubavitch tradition, we visited the Ohel–the resting place of the Lubavitcher Rebbe (to request blessings and pray)  before formally announcing our engagement.  That night we had a L’Chaim–an engagement party, in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. At the L’Chaim there were many different customs formalizing our engagement:

The Kinyan: where both Chanan and I lifted a gartel in the air
creating a legal obligation to go through with the marriage

Many people stayed late into the night. The men had a chassidic farbrengen while the women socialized. It was an exhausting yet amazing day! I heard the food was delicious :)