Category — Jewish Wedding Traditions

I was recently interviewed for this article on the chair lift – you know, that part of the horah dance when you and your new husband are lifted up high in a chair by your wedding guests. Being that I did not have a Bat Mitzvah, I saw the chair lift as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I did however make a concerted effort not to make that face, that really unflattering face that is an expression of the unbelievable fear that you might fall right out of the chair.

It seems as though there is a new backlash against the chair lift.  Some couples are choosing to omi this tradition from their wedding celebration. What do you think of the chair lift? Have you ever witnessed a chair lift mishap? Do you plan to include the chair lift at your wedding?

Photo credit: Carla Ten Eyck

I’ve never been a girl with a million wedding fantasies. No, really! When my fiancé and I got engaged, I believe my first wedding venue idea was “picnic in the woods?” That didn’t fly… but once we started planning, I realized that what I did want was one heck of a party with everyone in our families in attendance. I never imagined  that a  matter of a few minutes could make the difference between my fiancé’s family attending our ceremony, or not.

See, Adam and I looked up what time sunset was on the day we booked our venue because we knew that his family wouldn’t ride/carry/travel/work etc. before the end of shabbat on Saturday night. Sunset is at 4:46 p.m. the day we’re getting married so we booked our ballroom for 4:30, which left just enough time for our relatives and guests to get from the hotel to the venue in time for the start of the ceremony at around 4:50. The contract got signed, and the time was set. But we forgot about one thing: havdalah.

Apparently, havdalah ends 15 minutes after sundown, and THAT marks the point at which riding/carrying/traveling/etc. is again “OK.” Adam and I are both reform, and neither of us have actively observed havdalah since we were small children.  My thoughts turned to “what ifs”… What if they’re late? What if they don’t make it? What if they get angry if we start without them? What if we HAVE to start without them?

Adam and I thought we were being observant enough by waiting until sunset for our ceremony… but now we realize that we weren’t and we can’t move the time of the ceremony. Now his entire family, including his 85 year old grandmother, are planning to walk over a mile from the hotel to our wedding venue to get there in time. I’m truly thankful that they’re willing to do that for us, because the day wouldn’t be the same without them.

We finally got our professional wedding pictures back! I’m going to start from the beginning and work my way through the event post by post, so as not to overwhelm you with photographs.

The first ceremonial order of business was the bedecken. The pre-ceremony traditions seemed very casual to me, but festive at the same time; a lot like a bris that takes place in someone’s kitchen (except  that everyone left with all their body parts in tact!)

Somehow, I look dazed and confused in almost every bedecken photograph, so these are the best I could post without embarrassing myself!

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Group shot Bais Chana Snorkel & Study ‘09

Lately, I’ve been spending most of my time trying to prepare for…cue the music maestro…life after the wedding. Granted, I haven’t been the most productive; although any day now, G-d willing, we’re going to sign a lease on the apartment we found in Brooklyn. Otherwise I’ve been scoping out jobs and (very leisurely I might add) doing absolutely nothing. A little bit of reading here, a lotta bit of sleeping there, praying for a job, twiddling my thumbs, pondering the more meaningful things in life, such as why a minute seems like three hours when you’re waiting to get married, and how they fit all of that toothpaste into one little tube.

Part of the reason for all of this free time is the Orthodox inyan that a chosson and kallah shouldn’t be involved in the physical preparations for their wedding, but should instead occupy themselves with spiritual preparation. For everyone this is different: for some it means taking on a new mitzvah, for others it may mean adding a prayer or Torah class to their schedule, and for someone else it may mean increasing the amount of tzedakah they give.
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My new wig (aka “Sheitel”)

Sheitels. Scarves. Snoods. Wigs. Tichels. Hat Falls. Band Falls. Double coverings.

After an orthodox woman gets married, she covers her hair at all times in public.  Unlike many of my friends, I never really dreaded this mitzvah.  It’s pretty straightforward, right? Our custom is to only wear a full sheitel outside of the home. Simple enough–at least that’s what I thought until I started shopping for one!  I’ve estimated that there are at least 567,354,678 different companies, sheitel machers, and brands to choose from. Everyone you speak to has their own preferences and experiences and half the time they’re contradictory. There really aren’t any guarantees–when you buy a sheitel, you don’t know, really know if the hair was processed to make it look that sleek and shiny. You don’t know if it will frizz if it gets wet. Or if it’s actually wavy hair they processed to make straight, or straight hair they permed.  Oh, and they’re really, really expensive. Understandably so, since they’re made from human hair. I guess I didn’t realize what a big process shopping for a sheitel would be.
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I’ve seen some big challahs in my time, but never one this big! You know what they say–the bigger the challah, the bigger the mitzvah! (Okay, I admit, I just made that up.)

We met with our Rabbi yesterday, who just happens to be my Uncle Mark who also officiated my Bat Mitzvah. Jake and I  had a lovely time in his office talking about how we met. Mark collected funny anecdotes to recount under the chuppah and then we started talking about the ceremony. There are so many options of rituals and traditions in the Conservative Jewish wedding ceremony that Jake and I walked away with more questions than answers. For example do I circle Jake? Do we circle each other? There is a tradition of circling beneath the chuppah seven times.  Circling symbolizes many things, among them the seven days of creation. So my question is: If I don’t circle Jake will I feel like I am missing out on something? I have seen it done many times at other weddings and it’s a beautiful tradition, but I’m just not sure I identify with it personally.  Jake comes from a Secular Israeli family and I’m a Conservative Jew, and I view it more as an Orthodox tradition. Anyone out there have stories about circling?

Another tradition that we are debating is the Sephardic tallit wrap. We are not Sephardic, but there is a wonderful tradition that comes from the Sephardic Jewish community that takes place during the 2nd part of the ceremony, where the couple is en-wrapped in a tallit. The tallit symbolizes the mitzvot and brings the couple together in their first symbolic home -  the chuppah. I really like this ritual in that the bride and groom are often standing apart under the chuppah and the tallit brings them close together.

Me (center) and my cousins

One component of our ceremony that we are sure about including is the Sheva Brachot. Sheva Brachot (Hebrew: שבע ברכות‎) literally “the seven blessings” are blessings that are recited for the bride and the groom under the chuppah over a second cup of wine.  Instead of having our Rabbi recite the blessings, we are asking family members to recite the blessings in both Hebrew and English. I have 5 first cousins and we are all really close. In addition, we have family flying in from Israel, Germany, St. Petersburg and Canada. We thought this would be a special way to recognize, honor, and include those who have traveled from near and far to make it to our wedding.