First Comes Blog, Then Comes Marriage
Marriage, let alone dating, was the last thing on my mind during my Sophomore year of college when I started blogging again after a two year hiatus. I always imagined that I’d be introduced to my future husband by another person–the last thing I expected was to meet him through a blog! It all started when I was reading another blog and noticed some interesting comments. When I clicked on the commentor’s link, it lead me to my fiancé Chanan’s blog.
After commenting back and forth a bit, Chanan and I discovered that we actually grew up close to each other in Milwaukee, and that both of us are Orthodox Jews who have Secular extended family. Commenting lead to e-mails and then to chat sessions, and after a month of on and off communication Chanan suggested we look into meeting through a proper shidduch. Shidduch dating is a system of dating in the orthodox community that works through an intermediary called a shadchan–in other words, a matchmaker. When a couple agrees to go out on a shidduch, it is with the intent to see whether they are compatible for marriage.
Most shidduch matches are suggested by mutual friends or family members, and before the couple agrees to go out both sides generally do extensive research on the other. Chanan and I weren’t exactly your standard shidduch match since we just “bumped” into each other in the blogosphere. I was initially apprehensive about taking such a big step to start dating for marriage, especially because of our unconventional situation.
Due to various factors, including having to wait for our Dor Yeshorim test results, it took almost three months for us to meet in person. We met a few times, then had an almost three month break until we met again. After five months of communicating and nine dates, Chanan asked me to marry him.
In keeping with Lubavitch tradition, we visited the Ohel–the resting place of the Lubavitcher Rebbe (to request blessings and pray) before formally announcing our engagement. That night we had a L’Chaim–an engagement party, in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. At the L’Chaim there were many different customs formalizing our engagement:
The Kinyan: where both Chanan and I lifted a gartel in the air
creating a legal obligation to go through with the marriage
- Then our mothers broke a plate signifying that our engagement is as final as the breaking of a plate.
- Me flanked by two friends
- The men’s farbrengen
Many people stayed late into the night. The men had a chassidic farbrengen while the women socialized. It was an exhausting yet amazing day! I heard the food was delicious :)
11 comments
Yayy!!! Mazel tov on the engagement AND writing for the JWN!
lol, awesome and nicely written.
Thanks Chavi!
Sarah – Thanks to you too!
Beautifully written and what an interesting way of meeting your intended.
Yeah, I’m supposed to be working, but I can’t control myself. Nice piece. Fun l’chaim, and i can’t wait until the wedding!
yeah, this wedding is gonna be really fun.
it’s so great to be around you and chanan now that you’re engaged. you’re very cute ;)
For those who believe that Der Aibeshter’s ways easily adapt to new social and technological conditions and developments, obviously Internt blogging is a form of a shidduch. Mazal Tov!
Mazal Tov!!
You can post your menu to kcc!
I loved it!!
gr8 title!!
Mazal tov. When is the wedding, iy’H? Mine is scheduled for the 1st of Nov, iy’H. I can’t wait!! :)
Love your website by the way. It’s great to see somebody go through teh same stuff as me at the same time, even if you are on the other side of the globe :)
Be well
Thanks! Mine is scheduled for the 25th of Elul, September 14th G-d willing!
Please be thoughtful when commenting! Jewish Wedding Network reserves the right to remove or restrict comments that do not contribute constructively to the conversation, contain profanity, personal attacks or are posted purely with the intent of promoting a personal or commercial business.