The Proposal That Wasn’t
If you’ve watched watched any movie geared towards women in the last 20 years, then you’re all-too familiar with the significance of The Little Velvet Box. Inside this box is something very special and usually something very expensive– inside this box, you’ll find an engagement ring.
Sometimes they’re big and sometimes they’re little, with a sprinkling of diamonds all around, or just the one important one in the center. Our Knight in Shining Armor brings it to us upon bended knee, after riding day and night across many lands on his white horse, storming castle walls and braving ogres and giants to serenade us with songs about how much he loves us. He even swims across deeps moats–which is hard when you’re wearing all that armor! He sweeps us off our feet and we ride off into the sunset, happily ever after.
However, my now-fiancé doesn’t know how to ride a horse, and he certainly can’t swim despite having grown up in Florida. So I took the reigns of my own great steed, and like a true Type A personality, I ended up doing the popping and questioning myself. Yes, I proposed to my boyfriend first. He was initially a little taken back and flustered, but he did say “Yes.” There was no epic song or moat. There wasn’t even a ring. I just said “We’re going to get married!” and that was that.
Me and my fiancé Matthew.
I promise his arm isn’t freakishly long! I was just messing with the sleeve of his sweater.
Matthew and I met senior year in our high school photography class. I just wanted to be this kid’s friend, but the more we hung out at school, the more in like-like I found myself to be with him. So one day, in my best penmanship, I wrote him a note with many a comma splice and run on sentence telling him how I felt. I invited him over to my house to watch movies and I told him in true overbearing and I’m-the-boss fashion, “We’re going to go out.”
I’m lucky enough to have a great guy who’s willing to let me take the driver’s seat, and to let me be the main planner and do-er. I’m an ambitious kind of gal and I like to just do stuff. My fiancé Matthew is more passive and laid back. Whoever said “opposites attract” couldn’t have been more right. Some of my friends can’t even understand how we’re together–we’re just that different.
We’re at this point now, so I’d say that this type of dynamic has worked A-OK for us. Not only are we making a commitment to spend the rest of our lives together, but Matthew, who is not Jewish, is also making the commitment to convert and to join the Jewish people. Like any type of relationship, whether it be with a person here on earth or with G-d, you have to take it one step at a time.
Matthew and I are both full-time students who also work full-time, so life is coming at us fast. With the cost of school on the rise, we only have $3,000 to plan a wedding with nearly 100 guests, if not more than. 90% of our wedding is going to be DIY and handmade, and the other 10% is going to utilize local and independent artists and craftspeople. We have a little over a year to put together a wonderful and meaningful wedding that’s both eco-friendly and budget-friendly. Next October can’t come soon enough!
PS- Matthew did eventually propose to me– ring and all during a James Bond movie, but I think that was due mostly to societal influence and pressure from his family.
6 comments
This is a great story! Good for you for taking the reigns and proposing – and for keeping this relationship the way that works for you both! If it makes you both happy, that’s all that should matter! Lots of luck planning this wedding, and wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness!
Love love love this. Congrats on the engagement – I can’t wait to see you create a beautiful wedding!!
p.s. I laughed hysterically because I did think, “WOW, his arm is long!”
Oy! You guys look so young :) Mazel tov on your having stepped up to the plate and proposed! Taking those reins is a big deal!
I also popped the question to my husband…….Sometimes that’s the best way. Please check out http://www.interfaithfamily.com. We have a lot of great resources for conversion, weddings. MAZEL TOV!
Asia,
SO great to see you here on JWN! I hope your wedding planning is going great, and I love to see your updates on FB! Hope to hear from you soon!
Debbi
I also proposed to my hubby. Then a few weeks later he came home with a ring. I think it’s a fantastic idea and tradition, and so empowering. We can make the proposal playing field a bit more level. But here’s my question.. do you get funny looks when you tell people? I do, and it still cracks me up. Mazel Tov!!!
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