I am so sorry to hear that you had such a terrible time finding a Rabbi. I happen to be an independent Rabbi and I have heard of others charging over $1,000.00. I could never do such. A couple is not obligated to invite the Rabbi to the reception, though it is a nice gesture. However, if the couple has a nice connection with the Rabbi depending how many meetings were scheduled, emails and telephone calls, it is only fitting to invite he/she to celebrate your joyous Simcha.

Independent Rabbis made choices to not to be a pulpit Rabbi for various reasons. I am blessed and thankful for synagogue life. If it was not for the Reform Movements synagogues, today, I would not be in the position by having a choice.

Pulpit Rabbi vs. Independent Rabbi:
A pulpit Rabbi has a contract with a steady income from congregant memberships. So called fringe benefits includes the Rabbi to officiate your wedding ceremony when a member. It is customary to make a donation to the Rabbi’s Discretionary Fund. That fund allows the Rabbi to use those funds to assist others in need as his/her discretion. Look at it this way, you have a joyous Simcha, and as Jews we are obligated to perform Mitzvot. You are assisting someone who may not be able to afford day to day living, let alone a Simcha.

Compared to an independent Rabbi’s income, is not steady, thus an honorarium (fee for service) is created. You will know right away if an independent Rabbi is the right one by your first conversation. I personally schedule no obligation telephone meetings. This allows me to share all that I offer a couple leading up to their wedding day ceremony and answer the couple’s questions.

I have the honor to officiate many Jewish weddings for couples and kept the connection even after the wedding day. Couples and their families make choices as well to belong to a congregation or not. When they don’t, they know they can still call upon me. The best of all, we make plans to get together and share a meal and good conversation. Social networking keeps the connection going as well. This Rabbi is on Facebook.

Word to the wise, most independent Rabbis does travel from out of state. If a couple’s budget can cover the customary travel arrangements and the honorarium for the ceremony, then always know there should never be a problem finding a Rabbi.

Finding the right Rabbi may take a little effort, but with the internet, you can now find Rabbi’s more easily. Sometimes you just need to search outside the box or outside your geographically area.

All the best to you both and all those couples planning their Simcha.